got my stuff back, but unfortunately my heart can't be retrieved for now...

This morning was still hecka weird..
I dreamt that I was in his house, as if nothing happened..
hanging out like usual...
and after being woke up by a text, I still wanted to go back to bed to continue the dream..
That is wrong, but stilllll.....

I texted him about a favor..
but got turned down boldly..
makes me rethink why did i like him in the first place..
he placed his pride over my safety this time..
makes me wonder about his true person..

That just makes me seriously want to cut him off clean just for my own peace..
Right away I grabbed his stuff that I still have and headed out right away..
I texted him and told him to get my stuff too..
Before, i was like "imma look him in the eye and show him that i'm doing well",
but right when i saw him, it feels like a knife coated with salt was slicing me again and again..
I don't get why, just why doesn't he try to understand it from my view..
I just don't... and maybe it doesn't matter anymore..

I kept reading this, "no, no, and no. sorry, stranger. good luck with your search"
again and again...
I want it to hurt so bad, that I do not get in contact with him again.

It is hard already for me trying to get myself together,
not to shed another tear for him..
and I managed to do that..
I did not shed a single tear after that first night..
maybe i did, but i did not go into hysterical sobs..

I asked myself if I would feel better to just let it all out..
but with the stuff he said..
I just felt it is too ridiculous to even feel bad for myself..
Then the thought slowly comes..
He doesn't even deserve my most sincere understanding of him..

I'm not sure why I don't hate him.. I mean I won't want to love him again..
I understand that maybe because I'm his first,
He probably wanted to explore more options...
I should have read the signs and take actions on it.
Girls like me that don't play relationship games..
Turned out to be boring..

"no, no, and no. sorry, stranger. good luck with your search"
"no, no, and no. sorry, stranger. good luck with your search"
"no, no, and no. sorry, stranger. good luck with your search"