I ask myself why I am even doing this.
i got approach first, so i opened up.
after opening up, i got closed on.
so it's like you came ringing my door bell and when i opened my door,
i saw you running away..
so okay.. you want me to notice you but... ?
the other thing is, this person reminds me of another person when i was in Form 3.
She usually doesn't talk to me, but somehow she wants to get someone's attention by approaching me. I don't really care at that time because i already know her personality and i accepted it as " yeap! she's this type of person"
so no expectations, so there's no disappointment.
This time, maybe i opened up instantly without getting to know this person yet, so i felt the direct stab and wanna just run away from this shyt again.
But last week when i was in a conversation with this other person saying that "not everyone is the same. Even if that one person hurt you, it doesn't mean everyone have the same personality"
i think it's because i respected and admired this person..
when X is not up to my expectations, the after shock is too much for me and bugs me like a "donkey"..
conclusion: i'm gonna stop thinking about this cause X doesnt seem to care much so DO I NOW!!pfft (i hope so -.-)
=======
another shyt that has been bugging me is also similar to the above crap..
i need to stop over estimating people..
it breaks my heart because i was motivated/inspired by XYZ to do something.
but they break the image i had of them in my mind.
it's like from a far, i saw a perfect picture and was captivate by it..
the nearer i walk towards it, the more flaws i started to notice.
one step closer at a time, the more i wanted myself to stop getting closer.
last time i try to convince myself that i should not tolerate people's flaws,
instead i should try to understand and accept them.
being critically conscious about people's personality is something i wanna break down.
but deep down, i try really hard to not care..
i can't agree to this 2 statements at the same time:
1)accept the fact that every individual is different
2) to have a good relationship, communication between the two or more is important.
so statement (1): shut up and accept their good and bad(s).
statement (2): speak out and have a solution.
-usually for me, when i shut up, it means that i dont give a dam. ;D
-when i open my mouth, it means im risking our relationship sinking. It's either i accept you fully or screw you.
conclusion: someone said this to me, instead of wishing for someone to know what's going on your mind, you should take action and tell them. now i'm wishing for a stronger heart. dukkun dukkun !
wanna give some punches to release my emo-ness
when you are hurting the others, you are hurting yourself too..
quote from somewhere over the rainbow~
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