when smiles become frowns.

you used to become my happy memories,
when i re-called those moments,
i would smile while walking,
or laugh out while driving..

now i scream out every time your freaking face passed by my mind..
tears would fall without any reason..
feeling frustrated and asking why over and over again..

trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter anymore
but deep inside,the memories just wouldn't leave me alone..
whose fault was it?
mine? yours? or nobody's?

when will this end..
when when when?
is not like i didn't try..
i tried so hard that I'm so freaking exhausted..

recently i just want to destroy everything..
can't stand any peaceful environment..
i play the scene of cutting up the doll over and over again..
i picture it in my head before i sleep, in the train, almost everywhere to calm myself down..

you can call me a psycho..
but i will ask you this..
who made me into this crazy bitch?
me?
yes! bingo...

****

p/s: i love my life, no worries... just wanna vent once in awhile...