ice to water...

it's scary when i find myself hurting people..
when someone gain something, it's also someone's loss..
the thing is when i try to prioritize myself,
it doesn't mean that i just ditch him off..
it's just that i cant continue pretending..
sometimes i awe myself..
my feelings are like people in coma..
it can continue for days to years..
or it can just end without a blink..

i cant remember how it started but..
i remember how it ended..
i froze my heart and close it off..
it's so selfish of me to only talk to him only when i want to..
i guess probably its better if it ended this way..
cant bring myself typing insincere words..
"lying is a sin?"

but after this period..
i thought that if i replace my heart with a new heart..
then i can dispose the old one..
instead it backfire..
making me miss the old one more..
i really want to give up him up.
(hoping this time is the last time i blog about him after 2 friggin years++)
it's enough..
im so tired of this feeling..
so tireddddddddddddddd

i dont know about the future or whatsoever..
but for now,
i think im scared to get into relationship anymore..
i dont know when my feelings will change..
like ice melting into water..

p/s: need to change my bad habit which is blogging only when im emo..